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Saturday, January 5, 2013

This Pain...

This Pain…

My heart is crying out,
My mind is full of doubt.

I hide my tears…
I stuff my fears.

I appear strong on the surface…
Deep down, I wonder… if I have a purpose.

My eyes burn…
When will I ever learn?

My heart is bleeding,
Darkness is all I am seeing.

Fire of hell laps at my feet…
How did I get in this so deep?

Can God hear me cry?
Does He listen to my pleas…?
Does He even try?

Am I worth dying for?
Or was it just some pretty metaphor?

This pain…
Is going to gain.

I shrink…
I am afraid to blink.

Everyone tells me their troubles…
Do they know that mine seem to double?

I am treated like I have no pain…
Like I am strong… confident… sane.

But I am not…
My eyes burn… my face turns hot.

I want people to see that I hurt…
I too, have been dropped and left in the dirt.

I am torn…
My heart is heavy and worn.

I stumble…
I crumble.

I am not who I make out to be…
I really do not know me.

Trust is a worthless feeling…
It tears too easy and takes years to begin healing.

Everyone lies…
And pretends to try…

How can I trust God not to let me down?
I am in a sea of pain…
I am left alone to drown.

I am like a wilted rose…
As long as I stay, quiet and low…
No one will know.

What do I do?
Who can I trust? Who?

I stand alone…
I am broken… disowned.

I am a fool…
I try to be cool.

I wish I were strong…
I wish I did little to no wrong.

But I am not that way…
All I can do is hold on to the day…

The day that God will use me to show…
That it is okay to be weak and low.

It takes time and will power to trust
It takes tears so your heart will not bust.

It takes strength to breathe that next breath…
When you just want to give in to death.

It takes bravery to talk…
To fight, just to walk.

It takes persistence not allow pain…
Gain its gain.

To let the storm pour out it’s rain…
To be willing to let go of the pain…

Because…

This pain…
No longer has any gain.

~Marie J. ~

This is a brand new poem, wrote it last night. My heart is still hurting. I can only pray that God will
use me to help people that feel the way I do. The reason why I write poems such as these, is because I know that there are people that hurt the way I do. It is hard to find poems that are about pain, demons, and heartaches. I am not depressed or a sad little girl, I am simply writing my feelings, dreams, and about who I am. I hope that my poems have an impact on you as they do me.

 I cannot thank you enough for taking time to read my poems. Please feel free to share which ever poem you would like. I want them to go around and for troubled people to read and know that they aren't alone in what they are feeling. To know that there is someone else who feels pain like they do. To know that someone else doubts God, and cry when no one else is around. To know that it is okay to feel pain and that they aren't bad because they do feel it.

You can't grow if you can't feel pain.

So don't stuff this pain...

Thanks again,
Marie J.